Then and Now
by Stripy sox roc
Summary: The Alison Cameron story, told through a mix of present day narrative, and the diaries of a 13 year old girl. HouseCam.
1. Chapter 1

Hair swirled around her face as tears poured silently down her cheeks. The phone rung, and rung, she didn't move, didn't even consider answering it, she couldn't it wasn't fair to today was his day.

Eventually the answer-phone picked up, and he boss' voice rang through the apartment, asking what the hell she thought she was doing, why she wasn't at work, and where the sugar was kept.

As the machine bleeped to signal the caller had hung up, Allison Cameron's sobs grew louder, echoing around the empty room.

She rarely thought about him anymore, but she'd vowed to make this day his day, a day where it was OK, to remember, where it was OK to cry.

Most years she didn't, she'd take the day off and perhaps look at the pictures but she could never remember them being taken, never remember what she'd felt as the time, never remember why she'd even had a camera with her, they were souvenirs of another life. Tokens from a different time, she'd disposed of all other material memories: her dress, the corsage she'd so carefully pressed and the menu taken from the restaurant where they'd had their first date.

Even if she'd still had those items, she doubted it would have made a difference; she hadn't shed a tear for him in years, not even when an old acquaintance mentioned him, not even on his day, not even today.

Technically the liquid running down her face was for him. For him, but not because of him.

Today she cried because even on his day, she thought of someone else.


	2. About Me

Wow! I got three reviews and they were all good! I'm so proud of myself. Thankyou to thsoe who posted them by the way. This is my first fan-fic, and the build up is a couple of chapters long, but bear with me!

Kat xxx

* * *

About Me!

Name: Alison Marie Cameron

Age: 13 

Nickname: Don't have one, but my Dad sometimes calls me Ally-Cat

Favourite Food: Cookies, but my mum says I can't have to many or I'll get fat and no man will want to marry me.

Favourite Subject: Science, but again, my mum doesn't think it's a subject young girls need to be taught.

Favourite Hobby: Reading, I don't have anything better to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Heya!

Thanks for all the reviews, the last chapter was a bit pointless, but as timegoes by you'll see what I'm getting at. I hope.

I know my chapters are a little short, but my imagination tends to get dry pretty quickly.

Anyway, I'll dedicate the next post to whoever can find the bit in here that I thiught was highly amusing when I wrote it, but in actuality it's probably a flop

kat xxx

* * *

From the chair in his office, Greg House looked over the giant tennis ball he held in one hand, through a gap in the blinds and into the conference room, where he could see his only female duckling arrive.

Shaking out her hair, she hung up her coat and proceeded to fill the coffee pot.

Glancing over her shoulder she appeared to be shocked to see her boss watching her. She swallowed and walked towards his office.

"Dr. House, about yesterday, I'm sorry I wasn't here, but" she was interrupted.

"Spare me. Unless your story contains strippers, hookers, a deadly disease or a combination of the three, it's always safe to assume I'm not interested."

The younger doctor pursed her lips and walked back into the other room to greet her male colleagues.

Later on, in the cafeteria, Cameron considered the men sitting opposite her. Drs. Eric Foreman and Robert Chase were the closest things she'd ever had to friends. They worked together, ate lunch together, sometimes even went out for drinks after work together but they were still just colleagues. There was an invisible barrier that stopped them from becoming anything more. It had always been there, in her childhood, when she went of to college, even now.

Across the room sat Dr. James Wilson. How was it that even Greg House, the biggest SOB that ever graced the light of day could get a friend and she couldn't?

Everyone thought of friends as important people, otherwise no one would have bothered to manufacture 'Friends Forever' cards, friendship jewellery and all the other sentimental items found in gift-shops.

Songs were written about how you could never survive without them, but had the composers ever had to?

Alison Cameron had no friends.

At work Foreman and Chase kept her company and at home she had her two goldfish, Mr. Little and Officer Steady.

When she was younger she'd kept a diary, now when she felt the need to confide in someone she wrote letters. She never sent them, she didn't even know who they were to, but they helped.

Alison Cameron didn't need friends, she just wanted them.


	4. My Best Friend

My Best Friend

Name: I don't have a best friend, unless you count my Dad.

Age: 35

Like: Fishing

Dislikes: Politics.


	5. Chapter 5

Hi!

I'm trying to get a few chapters up a day, which should be relatively easy over the weekend, but once I'm back at school I might not be able to post for a while. I've got my mock mock GCSE's this week (seriously mock mocks!) and for some reason everyonethinks they're important and so I am having to revise in my spare time!

For those of you who didn't get my funny little joke, Officer Steady is a character from 'The Borrowers' a great kids film, he is the policeofficer played by the one and only Hugh Laurie. And Mr. Little is a character from 'Stuart Little' again played by the one and only Hugh Laurie.

Any way, enjoy!

* * *

"Come on, come on people! Differential diagnoses!" Stormed House impatiently as he paced the room.

"Could it be? MS?" Chase hazarded a guess.

"Let's see, it accounts for two of the eight symptoms, so no! Guess again!" His boss replied angrily.

"But,"

"No buts, it's not MS!"

Cameron sighed and looked around the room, the current patient had 6 doctors working on him and all of them were stumped.

House, Foreman, Chase and herself had been joined by Dr. Wilson and even more surprisingly, Doctor Cuddy.

He was a VIP, (very important patient) apparently something of a sports star, she wasn't sure what he played, nor did she really care, sports weren't her thing.

Every case they took was like one of those puzzles, the ones with all the squiggly lines where if you looked hard enough you could see a picture, but it this case, the symptoms were the lines, and the final picture was a lot harder to find. And like those puzzles, the longer you stared at them, the harder it became.

"We're missing something." Her boss mumbled.

"What though?" Foreman asked.

"That's for me to wonder, and you to find out."

They hurried of to re-do MRIs and various other tests.

An hour later the team minus House sat around a cafeteria table, contemplating a newly solved case.

"Why do people lie to us so much?"

Cameron and Chase looked up from their coffees and Foreman continued.

"If we hadn't been able to work it out, his wife would never come clean and she would have let him die to protect their marriage! And what sort of marriage was it, if they lied to each other about things like that?"

Cameron snorted in disbelief.

"What? It's true! People don't just lie to the ones they love!"

Foreman stopped speaking and looked at Cameron as if daring her to disagree. She rose to the unspoken challenge.

"And I'm supposed to be the naïve one? You don't lie in spite of loving the, you lie because you love them!"

And with that she pushed her unfinished coffee away from her, stood up and walked out, leaving a pair of very confused men in her wake.


	6. My Role Model

Heya everyone! Two chapters in a day, how exciting, even if this is another seemingly pointlessone. I can't work out why my writing is so big, really.

Any way, this chapter is dedicated to moo333, who may not know why I found the names so funny, but she said they were funny.

* * *

My Role Model

Name: I guess my Mum and my older sister Melissa,

Why: My mum's quite a young one, and my sister is a lot older than me, but they both married young and have kids and live happily ever after. That's what I want when I grow up. My mum says career women are throwing away their lives.


	7. Chapter 8

I've messed up the chapter order, I tried to put a load on at once and confused myself, I'm sorting it out now thoguh, so have no fear, I am here!

kat xxx

* * *

Her memory had been cut of the time when her husband died. She couldn't remember much from before, almost nothing good. She'd very almost had everything she'd ever wanted from life, and that had been taken away. Now she had nothing, only bad memories. She slowly sprinkled food into fish the tank, it was almost too sad that the only people that really depended on her were her fish. Even her patients could survive without her: she wasn't the best.

Sometimes she wished her fish could talk, it would be nice to come home and compare days with someone, anyone. Looking at the phone, she considered calling the talking clock, just to hear someone speak, her apartment was too quiet, but it was late and her neighbours would complain if she turned on the television.

Chase and Foreman had invited her out for drinks this evening she almost wished she had accepted now, but she really hadn't been in the mood to sit around pretending to talk casually about work whilst the two men wondered what had annoyed her so much that afternoon.

They wouldn't understand even if she did tell them, and she certainly didn't intend to. No one did. But it sometimes seemed to be the best way.

She hadn't wanted to lie to him, but she loved him too much to tell him the truth. It hurt her to think he might still be mad at her, but she had to. She couldn't do anything else. She did for the best. She only wanted to do the best for him, for them. But sometimes even the best isn't good enough.


	8. When I grow up

Whoa, I just have to replace one chapter with this and we shoudl be ready to roll!

kat xxx

* * *

When I grow up…

I want to be: Something that helps people, but not something that I need to train for, maybe a teacher.

I want to live: Somewhere really warm, and sunny.

I want to meet: A nice guy, friendly, polite, handsome and cheerful.

I want to have: Four children, a big house, a family car, and a dog.

I want to go to: Europe, I want to travel and see everything and every country there.

I want to achieve: happiness.


	9. Chapter 9

I hope I didn'tconfuse anyone too much, with all the switching round, you might wantto check previous chapters that you think you've already read incase you haven't.

This is the chapter that begins the actual story!

Kat xxx

* * *

She blinked, when had it got so dark? It seemed only a few minutes ago that she'd found this old diary in a box under her bed, but looking at the clock it was now 8.00, 3 hours since she had. She had been sitting here reading this diary over and over again for 3 hours. 3 hours wasted time.

She seemed to waste a lot of time, she ended work at 5.00, came home, ate dinner, and went to bed around 11-ish, what did she do in between? Nothing. Wasted time. According to House, clinic duty was a waste of time. According to her mother, her marriage had been a waste of time.

Maybe it was, she hadn't learnt anything from it, had she? She'd always assumed she'd come out of it with a different surname (quickly restored to her old name) a few photos and a broken heart. But had it taught her anything? Anything at all? After reading her 13-year-old-self's diary she decided it had. Her views had changed. She no longer wanted all those things she had back then. She wanted other things, probably more meaningful things. She still wanted happiness, who didn't? House might say he didn't, but maybe that was just because he thought he couldn't.

She no longer wanted a simple job; she loved her job and couldn't imagine doing anything else. They all seemed pointless now.

She'd had a chance to have all of these things, she'd been just inches away, but one blood test had confirmed she was going to loose it all.

But maybe she could still gain something. It had taught her what she really needed. What was really important in life. House might say she was an idealist, and her diary proved she was, once. But not anymore.

She knew exactly what she wanted.

And know she knew how to get it.


	10. Dear Diary

I've put out a whole load of posts today, I'm hoping that they will keep you going through the week if I can't post much. BUt I've been typing away today and will most likely have another post up for you tonight as long as my mum doesn't make me go to bed. BUt she might.

Anyway, please include my grandma in your prayers tonight as she is having surgery tommorrow.

Enjoy!

Katxxx

* * *

Dear Diary,

Today was terrible, and I mean really, really bad. We had to right out our ambitions and aspirations in class, and the teacher made me read mine aloud! One girl said that my dreams were pathetic; another said I needed to get some ambition. Even the teacher laughed! It wasn't fair! I don't want to be the best; I just want to be happy. What's so funny about that?

One boy said her wanted to be a brain-surgeon he said he wanted to help people, not just throw his life away over-populating the planet. The last comment was obviously aimed at me. I do want to help people. I _do_! But my mum always says that I didn't need big dreams and career plans because I could marry rich and not have to worry about working. I'm not my mum though. I plan on marrying for more than just money.

I like science, my teacher said I could be a doctor if I wanted to, and I think it could be quite interesting. But I don't think I could handle it, the pressure would make me crack.

I think my parents would go nuts if I said I wanted to be a doctor or anything that required lots of training. My sister wanted to be an architect but they soon squashed all her ambition, so where's the point in even trying. Really.

I'm 13; do I really need to be thinking about what I want to be when I am older? It seems to son, but Mr. Taylor, my teacher says I'll need to decide as it will affect what subjects I want to take.

Until today I was perfectly content with my plans, but now I don't know. Mr. Taylor said that we could become anything we wanted if we put in the effort. And if that boy can become a surgeon, then I can become a doctor. If I wanted too. Which I don't. And can't even if I did.

Mum's calling me, she wants me too learn to cook for my future family, according to her no woman has a purpose if she doesn't have skills in the kitchen. Right, whatever.

Got to go.

Bibi!

xxxxx


	11. Chapter 11

It was 10.30 when House finally limped into work, avoiding Cuddy and threats of clinic duty he went the long way, taking the service elevator. With all the security cameras Cuddy had around the place it was a wonder he'd never been caught.

He was in pain, more than usual this morning; he'd left his bottle of vicodin on his desk and had to go all night with the two he'd found loose in his pocket. He was going to come in early and get them, but the earlier he came in, the more likely he was to been seen by Cuddy, and then he'd have to do a few hours work before he could get to his office.

Searching through the paper on his desk he found his little orange pot, filled with his favourite drug. But something had changed. Last night he'd left it carelessly on his desk, now a piece of paper had been attached to it with a rubber band. He threw it down on his desk, he'd read it after taking a pill, it was probably just a note from Wilson telling him to cut back. Sinking into his chair, he un-folded the piece of paper and read it.

It was a photocopied piece of paper, listing someone's details, name, age, and other pointless things. He read it, Alison Cameron. Interesting. Age, 13. Even more interesting. What was this doing here?

Had Cameron just decided to supply him with blackmail material? Weird. And only one way to find out the truth.

He walked out of his office to talk to his ducklings, only to see Cameron missing.

"Where's Cameron?" He asked.

Foreman and Chase exchanged hasty looks.

"I think she said she'd be in ummmmmmmm the lab." Chase finished triumphantly, looking proud of himself.

"Bad lie, where is she really?"

"She said she'd be in the clinic all day, but I doubt that's true." Foreman substituted.

"Good work."

A few minutes later he limped out of the elevator and into the lobby, only to be attacked by Cuddy.

"Where the hell have you been? We're already under-staffed, and you decide just not to turn up? What the hell is your problem?"

Before he couldn't come up with a half decent retort, she shoved a patient file at his, a almost through him into an exam room, he could hear her outside, making sure he didn't leave.

Meanwhile Cameron was up in Immunology running tests, after asking Chase to lie and say she was in the lab, she knew House would never look there. It was the perfect couple.

She knew what she wanted more than she ever had before. She wanted House. And she was pretty sure he wanted her too. Know she had a plan of how to get what she wanted. And it was foolproof.

The next day House limped into his office early, hoping to catch Cameron in the act, this time the paper was stuck to his computer screen. The heading read 'My best friend.'

"He best friend was her dad?" House scorned, "What a looser!"

Once again Cameron was not in the conference room, and so he asked Chase, who said she was working all day in the clinic, not believing him House stalked off to the lab.

Cameron knew he'd never check the clinic for her, not after being captured and forced to work 5 hours straight the day before. Another foolproof plan. But soon she'd run out of hiding places.

She had been so sure about her plan to begin with, but only as she sat in the lab the day before did she see the various problems. He could show someone, she only meant for him to know. He could just wait for the letters to stop and for once in his life not be curious about why they were there. He could come searching for her and find her before he reached the most important entry. He might even think they were fake, a joke played by one of the nurses. But it didn't matter, because it was her last chance. If it went well, she might never take the day off to cry again. But if it went badly, she'd be taking a lot more sick days.

All she could do was wait, and hope.


	12. Dear Diary 2

I love this chapter, I really do. It's nothing that special but it's almost exactly how I'm feeling at the moment so it was nice to vent without loking like I was complaining.

Anyway, Enjoy!

Kat x

* * *

Dear Diary,

So today I had Sunday school, and I asked my teacher about becoming a doctor. He said that God would accept it if I was helping people and it made me happy, that he just wanted the best for me, and it didn't matter to him if I was a girl or boy.

So I thought that my parents could hardly argue with God's opinion and now they had to allow me! I was so happy, but I spoke to my Dad first and he looked at me all sadly and said I'd have to speak to my mother. So I asked my Mum who was all, no way, absolutely not, I will not allow it. So I thought, maybe if I study really hard and get a job now, I can do it without her permission. But then I realized there's no way I can possibly manage that, my grades are hardly the best. So I asked my mum if I could get a tutor. But she said no, that she wasn't wasting her money so I could learn things I didn't need to know. So then I asked her to explain something to me, but she didn't know! I don't want to end up like that! Acting like education doesn't matter! I care about my intelligence and I want to prove that women can become doctors, no matter what my Mum says!

Ahhh! I'm so annoyed! She did everything short of taking by brother's exams for him, but when it's my education, it's all 'You don't matter, you're just a girl!' She's a girl too, how can a woman be sexist against women! It's so incredibly stupid! We were not just put on this earth to cook, clean and make babies! But it seems that's all I'll ever be allowed to do! Just because my brother is a boy, that doesn't make him better than me! That doesn't make him more worthy!

Oh this is so stupid, just a week ago I was perfectly content with growing up ignorant and becoming a housewife, but because of that stupid lesson, it now seems like a nightmare!

Oh, what am I going to do?

Alison xxx


	13. Chapter 13

So, just for clarification, what I said before my last chapter didn't mean it was exactly like my life. My mum has no problem with me becoming a doctor, she's just refusing to help me like she did my brother.Long story, but I'm really pissed off about it.

Anywho, this should be the last of many very pointless fill-in chapters as hopefull next time something will happen.

Enjoy!

xxx

* * *

"Hmmmmmmmm" Thought House, So Cameron didn't always want to be a doctor. That was interesting. She was a good doctor. He couldn't really picture her as anything else.

But he still didn't understand where all these things were coming from. It seemed extremely unlikely that Cameron had put them there herself. She didn't seem to want House to know anything about her. But she would be the only one who had these. Unless they had been faked. A bad plan of Wilson's to get them to open up to each other? There was only on person who knew what they were and why they were there. But it had been a week since he'd started receiving them and he had yet to see this person.

Cameron was running out of places to hide, House had to really want an explanation, really really want it. Not just be a little curious, he had to be desperately striving to find a way to force it out of her before she was giving in. Luckily, that was probably soon and that was just as well, Immunology didn't seem to like her hanging around all the time. She wasn't always scheduled for clinic at the same time as House and the lab was often full of people actually working.

She'd just left one of the most important pages on House' desk that morning. The one where she decided she wanted to become a doctor. He'd want to know why she'd changed her mind. He'd want to know how she got from there to here. It had been difficult, but she'd done it, and now the struggle was proving useful. Nothing was off-limits anymore. Soon he'd know everything about her. She didn't really want that, but it was the only way to get what she really wanted. Him.


	14. Chapter 14

OK, I planned for this story to go on for a lot longer, but I started writing and It just finished itself. I'm not 100 percent happy with it, but I never am. I have a habit of starting knowing exactly what to do, but I never think of how it's going to finish in advance so I get a bit stuck.

Enjoy!

* * *

It was another week before House found a case that interested him. Many times during that week he considered taking one that didn't, just so that Cameron would have to grace the conference room with her presence.

She hovered near the door; she wanted to leave the minute that the differential diagnosis was over. She wasn't sure if he was ready yet.

"Foreman, I want an angiogram and blood cultures, Chase an MRI and a Rueben, dry, no pickles. And last but most certainly not least, DR. Cameron." He paused, she swallowed. "A talk in my office."

Foreman and Chase looked puzzled, but went to do their assigned tasks. Cameron took a deep breath and followed her boss into his office.

She stood awkwardly in front of him as he rifled through his draws, piling her 'notes' onto his desk. Once he appeared to have found them all, he sat down and leant his cane against the wall.

"I've had some interesting mail recently." He began.

Her palms were sweating uncontrollably; it was the moment she had been waiting for. The time of truth.

"Oh."

"About you."

"Oh."

"Care to read?" He held a letter up to her but snatched it away before she could take it.

"Why bother? I'm assuming you've already read them, since it was you who sent them."

He studies her face she was obviously nervous. She didn't look at him; instead she stared intently at a spot over his shoulder.

"May I ask why you've been sending me these and then avoiding me?" She blinked. "As interesting as I find the inner-thoughts of a ten-age you, I must admit I'm confused."

It was time; she had to speak now, before the moment was lost.

"You treat me like a puzzle. A hard one. One you won't stop inspecting until you figure it out. Well I'm fed up of being the specimen under your metaphorical microscope, I decided to give you a hint."

She raised her head and looked straight into his icy blue eyes.

"So you chose to give me the secret diaries of Alison Cameron aged 13 ¾?"

"Two years after my husband dies, my parents got divorced. A year later my sister did too. They both had everything I'd wanted when I turned 13. Everything I'd been so close to having. The only difference was that I had a job, a job I loved. Then I realized I could only be happy with exactly the opposite of what I'd had before, of what they'd had."

House stared at the woman ranting in front of him, for once he wasn't sure what to say. She took a breath and continued.

"You once said I didn't love, I needed. Not up to your usual standard, only half right. I do need. But I love too. I need the exact opposite of what I'd looked for all those years. I needed you. And it just so happens I think you need me too."

It wasn't exactly what she'd wanted to say, but even in the heat of the moment she wasn't going to make herself so vulnerable as to say, "I love you". She contemplated what she _had_ said, it wasn't the whole story, but it was all he needed to know. For now. The sudden burst of passion she'd felt as she spoke was wearing off. Why hadn't he spoken yet? She looked at his face; she could almost see the cogs working. Almost a minute had passed before he ran a hand through his course hair and opened his mouth to speak.

"But that's not the whole story is it?" He asked, she knew she shouldn't be so shocked, after all it was House, he knew things. "There's more to it, I can tell. Nothing is that simple."

She didn't know what to say, she'd already said so much, she didn't want him to know anymore than was strictly necessary. She chose not to speak at all, it seemed the easiest solution.

"You said that you were so close to having it all. But I go by what you've just told me, then you're lying. You live in New Jersey still, not Florida. I know you've never been to Europe. And you don't have any kids. If you ask me, you were still along way from this so called 'dream-life."

She closed her eyes and slowly exhaled, the tables had turned; now it was her reply that hung in the balance.

"I can't even mourn properly. I can't mourn for someone who died angry with me. I can't mourn for someone I killed."

House's eyes flicked up, this was getting interesting.

"I was pregnant, only a month gone. There have been studies into it; people can live longer when they are waiting for something. He kept himself alive to see our child."

At this point House interrupted.

"You've never been pregnant, I pulled your file."

"I erased it, erased any proof of it ever existing, erased it so I could forget, erase it so nosey bastards like you couldn't force me to remember."

Her eyes were red and puffy. She was going to cry.

"You lost it?" He asked.

"I terminated it" She replied. "I couldn't bear the thought that 8 months on, my child would be born, my husband would die, and I would be left the widowed mother of a semi-orphaned child. I told you once that I couldn't abort a child for someone I love, shows how selfish I am. That I could do it for myself, but not for someone else. A few months on, Brian asked me why I hadn't grown. He was so ill, but I had to tell him. We argued and I left angry. That night I got a phone call, he'd died. I'd taken away the hope, and so he died. I killed our baby and then I killed him!" She dissolved into unstoppable tears.

"So you do need me because I'm damaged." House stated. "But I guess I need you for exactly the same reason."

Limping around his desk he pulled her to him and she sobbed into his chest.

* * *

Hope you liked it! R and R please! 


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